


Band of Brothers

by sharperobjects



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 14:57:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1609241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharperobjects/pseuds/sharperobjects
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short drabbles, long drabbles, happy drabbles, sleepy drabbles, drabble drabble drabble.</p><p>(Prompt fics, headcanon fics, pairings, non-pairings, AUs, etc. You know the drill.)</p><p>(mostly batboys)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. damian doesn't get 'friendly arm punches'

**Author's Note:**

> Headcanon from incogneat-oh on tumblr
> 
> Damian Wayne doesn’t know the difference between like, friendly arm punches and regular violence.

Everyone's staring at him like he just murdered someone. 

Damian doesn't get it.

And then there's chaos.

" _What the fuck_ -" 

"Tim." Tim isn't listening to Bruce.

"Are you fucking insane - he's fucking insane we need to send to him to Arkham _oh my god_ -" Tim is practically shaking, well on his way to becoming  rage incarnated. Damian thinks a red lantern ring might actually be on its way right now.

Jason is just sitting at the dining table, stunned into a stillness you'd only get from a statue. Damian knows he must've screwed up bad if Jason 'I-have-something-to-say-about-everything' Todd is frozen, eyes wide with...not so much terror, but just shock. 

And then, next to Damian, you have Dick, who's slowly getting up from the floor (assisted by Bruce) with a hand covering his bloody nose.

Damian thinks he might have heard a crack when his fist connected with Grayson's nose.

Turns out Tim is still freaking out, and now he's almost shrieking.

"He's a threat, B! He's a threat to _our lives._ " God, he's so insufferable. 

Almost as if he hears what Damian is thinking, he turns to face the ten year old, face hard. "You're a threat."

Damian just glares at him while Bruce decides to step in. "Tim. Stop."

Dick is finally back on his seat at the table, the front of his shirt almost entirely soaked in blood. "Timmy, timmy,  _timmy_  -" he somehow manages to say between the waterfall of blood, "it's okay. I'm okay. I'm sure Dami didn't mean it. It's not that bad -"

"It's not that bad?! Dick you're bleeding worse than a girl on her _fucking period_ -"

Somehow  _this_ is what breaks Jason out of his transfixed state and he throws his head back, laughing like a dork, almost falling off the seat.

"Okay, I am going to add that to my list of shit I do  _not_ want to hear when entering the Manor. What the heck is going on?" Damian turns just in time to see Stephanie walk into the dining area.

Her eyes widen and Damian sees them calculating as they scan every inch of the scene in front of her. Her jaw goes slack when she sees Dick at the head of the table, Bruce handing him a towel, and blood everywhere on the former - his shirt, his face, his hair -

And then she sees Tim, still freaking out, but now in a more quiet state, which means he's rocking back and forth, occasionally looking up to glare at Damian and muttering 'threat' under his breath vengefully.

Stephanie jumps when she hears another thud, and flips around. It's Jason, and by the looks of it he'd actually fallen off his chair laughing. The broad, muscular gun-wielding man was rolling on the floor, slamming his fists against the carpet, tears in his eyes.

And then she turns to Damian, who's just standing in the middle of it all like a lost duck.

Blondie's eyes narrow. "What did you do." She almost growls at him, and Damian has to hold in a shudder because Brown can be fucking terrifying when she wants to be, though he'll never admit that to anyone.

"Todd and Grayson were arguing about who's more threatening in costume and Grayson said something along the lines of 'at least I didn't wear a condom head' and then Todd told me to punch him so I did."

"Really? You think doing something _Jason Todd_ advised you to do is the way to go?" Brown throws at him as she makes her way to Drake. Damian doesn't have an answer to that. Todd, of course, does, and tries to trip her as she walks. Brown actually jumps, and Todd's foot misses. Grinning, she retaliates by kicking him in the knee. And then before Damian can blink, Jason's long leg sweeps Stephanie and she crashes to the floor and the two start tussling.

"Are you _kidding_ me - ALFRED!" Bruce yells from where he is, giving up on the brats he calls children. 

Damian decides this is the perfect opportunity to slink away.

"Damian." He swivels around, still as a rock. "Yes, Father?" he asks, innocently, as if he hadn't just tried to escape. Bruce's teeth are gritted together.

"My study. _Now_."

* * *

 

"You punched your brother in his nose."

Damian doesn't say anything.

"Dick's nose is broken in 2 places."

Maybe if he remains quiet and unmoving he'll disappear?

"What were you thinking, if you were even thinking _at all?"_

Damian doesn't even look him in the eye. "I saw people - them, those imbecil -" Bruce raises an eyebrow. " _my brothers_ -" Damian corrects himself, though he spits the word out like its venom, "greet each other like that."

And then Bruce's eyes widen and -

"You mean to tell me breaking each other's noses is a common way to greet in this family - oh my _god_  -"

"No! They...punch each other's shoulders. Usually because Grayson makes terrible puns." Damian sees the perfect opportunity to divert attention. "Did you hear him that time - 'Do you need an ark? Because I noah guy' - Father, it's preposterous -"

"Damian." 

He shuts up about the puns.

"Dick SAID that punches are not for family outside of sparring, but he enthusiastically participates and I don't understand."

Bruce breathes, and pinches the bridge of his nose. "There's a _difference_ , Damian. Friendly arm punches are okay. Punches resulting in broken bones and bleeding brothers are not."

"But they're both punches."

"Yes." Damian frowns. "No. I mean, it's not entirely the same."

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE?!" 

"If it's deadly serious; when you're actually really angry at the person then you can -" and then Bruce stops himself because he doesn't want to give Damian a signed pass to punch people. "With family members and friends, when you're not fighting, like sparring or patrol, then it's friendly arm punches."

"Friendly arm punches." Damian repeats, testing the words out, trying to understand. Bruce waits. He huffs and says "My training did not prepare me for this."

There's the slightest hint of a smile on Bruce's face. "No, it didn't. But that's why you have us." He sees the way Damian's right eye twitches for a fraction of a second before his face becomes blank as he attempts covers it up. "Yes, all of us."

"Even Drake?"

"Even  _Tim_."

* * *

 

"No no, wait, listen to this -"

There's a collective groaning but Dick ignores it all. 

"The store keeps calling me, but all I wanted was one night-stand." And then he starts laughing at his own joke (if you can even call it one).

Damian just turns to Bruce. "This would not be a situation for regular violent punches, yes?"

"You know what? I think we can make an exception this time." Bruce says as he tries to smother himself with a sofa cushion.

That's all the invitation Damian needs.

"Okay okay, next one - OWW DAMI OHMYGOD THIS IS THE _SECOND TIME_ -"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Please leave comments regarding my characterization of Bruce + the batboys + Steph! (might be off on Steph because I haven't read a lot about her)
> 
> And if you liked it, a kudos would be appreciated! :) Thanks again!


	2. batkid pact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> barbara teaches damian an important life lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like writing some damian babs bonding, but somehow I always end up with a splash of platonic brubabs.

"Did you just -" and then Damian shuts up, staring at Bruce's receding form. He opens his mouth again, but he closes it.

"Are you having some kind of a mini stroke?" Barbara asks him, frowning.

He turns to face her, and there's some sort of reverence in his eyes. "Did you just lie to Batman."

"Uh. Yeah."

"For me?"

"Well. I wasn't going to tell Bruce that you almost got suspended at school and that they asked you to call him but you lied and said he's overseas and then called me because you told your principal I was your au pair and then that I showed up and played along and got you out of trouble." Barbara said in one breath, while taping her hands and rolling out the mat with her foot.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Barbara walks over to the nearby shelf to get a hair tie and Damian follows her.

"Why did you lie to him?"

"Because if I told him the truth he'd have benched you?" Barbara says, turning around. Damian face somewhat scrunches up. He's confused. Or dying.

"Listen kid, we're batkids. That means no ratting each other out to Batman. No matter what."

Damian stares at her for a few moments and then nods slowly, like he's digesting the concept.

"Great. Wanna spar?"

* * *

Barbara swings by where Bruce is sitting in the glow of the computers and leaves him a steaming cup of coffee before heading to her own area.

She's taking her first sip when Bruce's voice tears her attention away from the report she's writing.

"What did you do." Barbara doesn't even think he's talking to her until she swivels around in her chair and realises he's looking at her.

"What?"

"You made me coffee." Bruce intones, now fully facing her. Barbara frowns.

"That means you screwed up."

Goddamit.

Barbara rolls her eyes. "That's not true. I made you coffee because I went to get myself some and I remembered you were down here and I thought, hey, why don't I be a decent person and make Bruce coffee too?"

"I asked you to make me coffee once in my life. You glared at me so hard your face turned red, and the next time we sparred you dislocated my shoulder. You also turned Cass and Stephanie against me by telling them Batman's sexist." Bruce replies, glaring.

Barbara vaguely remembers that. "Well in my defense you could've asked any one of your sons or you could've made it yourself. You only came to me because I'm a woman."  
Bruce stares at her.

"I came to you because you were the only person around and my arm was in a cast."

Barbara cringes. And folds.

"Damian's school may be under the impression that you're currently out of town and that I'm his au pair."

Barbara's pretty sure Bruce's eyes twitch.

"Go easy on him okay? And don't tell him I told you. I just taught him the "batkids always team up against the batman" rule."

Bruce raises his eyebrows. "You do realise you just broke that rule."

"Oh I know. It's just that there's another rule that supersedes the batkid pact, called the Batgirl rule, whereby when possible, we will always get Robins into trouble."

Bruce sighs in despair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos + comments! and you can find me at @barbaragordcn on twitter and doctorharrisonwells on tumblr :)


End file.
